About

Dear friends,

I’ve tried very hard over these weeks and months to think about how I should start.

I have much to say, and much to lose by saying it. I struggle to maintain and develop my beliefs in a Singapore where the only belief is in money (there is no Money but Money). I am a quiet subversive who must break his silence if I am still to believe in Singapore.

I will talk about politics (I think the PAP must change or risk running Singapore to irrelevance).

I will talk about religion (I don’t think God exists, and if it’s his will he can roast me in hell forever for that).

I will talk about language and culture (I think English represents an inescapable liberal bias – listen to the profound resonance of bell-words like freedom, justice or right, and compare that to filial piety, the ugliest-sounding virtue in the language).

I will talk about the things our parents’ and grandparents’ generation only spoke about in hushed tones, if ever (I am gay – and post-gay in my desire not to let it define me).

I will talk about humanity, because it is the only thing that makes us human.

I need to talk about these things to people, to find people similar enough to me, such that though they might disagree vehemently, they still come back to argue. I don’t need people to agree with me; I need people to listen and fight and think and reason. I will not be a dragonfly on the surface of the pond of thought; neither do I want dragonflies around me.

I hope people I know in real life will come here and read this, and tell me in real life that they are still my friends (but quietly, please). This is in a sense a coming-out blog, but I don’t want to focus on that. There’s more to life than guys, I think (with a huge dose of irony).

I face the risk that my cover of anonymity will be blown. I’m sure there are files on people of my generation already, in some obscure corner of the ISD. But I take heart in the fact that in this age, it will take another Singapore to monitor Singapore. And whatever may happen, the very fact that I write (and I hope, continue to write) signals that I’m willing to take whatever comes to me. Nevertheless, for that reason comments will be moderated, if only to remove details which might identify me or my friends. People who must be mentioned often will probably get some obscure pseudonym.

I should say something about the name of this blog. Vociferor is Latin, a verb in the present tense, active voice, and indicative mood. (Latin grammar is much more structured than English.) It means “I cry out” or “I exclaim”, and obviously this blog is intended to do just that. It serves me both as a pseudonym and a blog name; I’m too lazy to think up more.

I must say something about friends, too. It’s awful to grow up with the feeling that there is a side of you which, if revealed, might turn your friends against you. I’m very glad that that hasn’t happened yet with the friends I’ve come out to.

I’ve realised over the last two years that while in life we all have our crosses to bear, true friends help make the burden all the easier to carry.

Vociferor

– comments and questions can be directed to vociferor (at) ymail (dot) com, and I’ll do my best to answer them asap.